


Never have I ever

by electaefy



Series: In between Shakespeare and r squared pi's. [1]
Category: NCT (Band), SM Rookies
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Crack, I'm Sorry, M/M, Other, Romantic Comedy, forgiv me, how did i let this happen, i am gross, they are gross
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-27
Updated: 2016-06-27
Packaged: 2018-07-18 16:48:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7323124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/electaefy/pseuds/electaefy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's in moments like this, when you play 'Never have I ever' with your group of friends, only to be reminded the hard way that you need better ones.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never have I ever

**Author's Note:**

> disclaimer: i pulled this out of my ass at 3 am while i was (desperately trying) studying for my science exam (which i probably failed since it went horribly). ALSO MENTIONS OF ??? SEX??? MENSTRUATION??? BOTH AT ONCE (ew jasmine pls leave)??? IDK THIS WAS NOT EVEN BETA'D AND IT HAD BEEN JUST SITTING AROUND FOR 3 WEEKS SO HERE IT IS.

"Never have I ever pissed in an empty— wait, even better, half-empty bottle of my favorite soda!" Youngho smirks in Hansol's direction, wriggling his perfect and trimmed eyebrows. Hansol just retaliates with kicking his nuts from where he's sitting. Right across Youngho. It works out wondrously; Youngho's eyes almost pops out of his skull and he wheezes in pain as he clutches on the specific location of his lower body area.

A series of grumbles ensue among their little satanic circle that still takes up too much space in the decent-sized university dorm room despite how hard they're squeezing into each other, eight male bodies scattered all over the floor with legs and arms tangled and various different types of body odors mingling. Very unsurprisingly, more than half of them tuck one finger away; Hansol, Taeyong, Ten, Yuta and Taeil.

"Wait, seriously? Even Taeil-hyung?" Youngho looks at Taeil with great disappointment, like he wasn't supposed to have any fault. Taeil just aims a punch under Youngho's chin. He scores. Youngho's tongue gets stuck in between his teeth once his lips are forcefully shut and his yelp that follows after echoes through the room.

"Wait," Ten's laugh comes to a halt. "Youngho, are you crying?" Taeyong stops hitting poor Doyoung on the same spot on his arm, a habit he has when he laughs until he shits himself, Hansol straightens up, Yuta rubs his tummy, Taeil wipes a tear away and Sicheng hasn't even been laughing, complete ignorance to the status quo. All eyes are on Seo Youngho now.

"Weth ay zant phel mu tahn?!" Youngho's little sniffles turns into loud sobs and everyone groans.

"Translation: well, I can't feel my tongue." Ten inquires unhelpfully, as no one actually gives a fuck. He goes over to Youngho and despite the incredible height difference, gets the overgrown beanpole up to his feet, then nurses him over to Taeyong's neat bed that they'll probably fuck over. Youngho gets fidgety when he's in pain.

"Why does the fuckface insist on playing this game every single damn time when he always ends up injured somewhere in the middle, then curls up in a dark corner of the room growing fungus because he thinks we all hate him," Taeil sighs solemnly, "which we do. He is correct, for once."

"Whatever, let's ignore him like we do on a daily basis and focus on more important things. I have a good one!" Yuta smiles triumphly, eyes glistening. "Never have I ever did it with a girl-"

"What the fuck, Yuta?" Taeyong grouses. Because, duh, they've all probably done it countless of times with girls. And boys. Heck, most of the people in this room are probably fucking.

"Bitch, I wasn't done!" Yuta half shouts. "During their regular discharge of blood and mucous tissues cycle,” he reads off of his palm.

“Why do you have that written on your palm, for God sake?!” Doyoung shoots him the dirtiest look he could muster. Yuta proceeds to ignore him.

Five whole seconds of deafening silence follows after that. It's impressive how everyone's faces turn from a scowl into what must be the ugliest half-laughing-half-lunging-for-air expression in the span of zero point three seconds. Taeyong is hitting Doyoung's arm on the very same spot again and this time, Doyoung punches him in the gut, not hard, but hard enough for Taeyong to topple over with an uncharacteristic squeal. Youngho sounds like a dying whale, trying to laugh with a bruised tongue.

They were almost done with ROFL'ing, until— Sicheng tucks away a finger, the middle finger of his left hand, as he looks at Yuta straight in the eyes, boredom sporting his face. "What?" He eventually spats as everyone throws him a look full of judgments. "She was drunk, I was drunk, we were both drunk!" He reasons lamely, trying to save face. The floor has apparently become a gazillion times more interesting, because that's the only thing he's staring at now.

"That's it!" Doyoung snaps, flailing both of his arms in the air out of frustration. "I'm done with this game and I'm going to look for better friends who aren't gross fucks like every single one of you!" He shuts the door behind him with a loud 'bang!'

A photo frame of tiny Taeyong wearing nothing but socks on his peanut that was hanging on the wall crashes down from the impact, so Taeyong screams, pitch so high that he sounds like a possessed hen. This is Hansol and Taeil's cue to leave. Youngho waves at them, albeit sadly.

"I feel betrayed," Yuta admits, drawing circles on the floor with a kicked-puppy expression on his face like he just got his heart broken. As in, literally, he has a crayon on his hand from God knows where and is drawing circles on the floor. Taeyong is going to bloody murder him after he gets over the stupid photo frame. "I'm breaking up with you, Dong Sicheng."

"Yuta, we're not even dating."

"And now we never will!" Yuta groans in frustration.

"We're back! How are— oh," Jaehyun pauses from taking off his shoes and glances around the room, plastic bag full of snacks dangling on his arm. "You guys did it again, huh," he sighs deeply. "I can already tell what happened. Youngho got himself hurt, Ten is nursing him, one of Taeyong's possession probably broke from when Doyoung stormed out of the door, hence why he's crying by the sink, Taeil and Hansol left in between the mess and Yuta just said something incredibly idiotic."

"Hey!" Yuta chucks a pillow at the general direction of Jaehyun's ugly poodle head (read: a dare). He misses.

"How do you do that? Every. Single. Time." Ten pipes up in wonder. Jaehyun makes it a sport to know exactly what kind of shenanigans his— what he unfortunately has to call— friends have pulled out of their asses in the moments he wasn't present. Even then, Kun still looks around, entirely confused at the situation, despite it happening over and over again, like clockwork.

Jaehyun and Kun had experienced the unfortunate loss of rock paper scissors before they started on 'Never have I ever', resulting to the both of them spending their precious money on snacks to feed eight mouths, the both of them excluded. Sicheng has the decency to flash them an apologetic smile.

Jaehyun begins The Usual; fixing all the mess his friends left behind. He starts off with Youngho, who looks like he has witnessed his cat's death with his own two eyes. Jaehyun gives him a block of ice to soothe the swelling of his tongue and a cup, in-case the ice gets too cold in his mouth. Youngho smiles thankfully and Ten fist-bumps him.

"Hey, Sicheng, haul Yuta off the floor and into my bed!" He demands, so Sicheng does just that. Yuta, miraculously, doesn't throw a tantrum as he gets dragged on his ass. "Here," Jaehyun hands Kun a wet towel, "do me a favor and wipe those crayon marks from the floor, before we're all exiled from the university dorm. Again." Kun nods enthusiastically, like he's been waiting for this all his life. It's his time to shine— pun intended.

"Taeyong," Jaehyun whispers softly. Taeyong doesn't budge. He is currently passed out on the kitchen counter, clutching on his own baby picture for dear life. Jaehyun chuckles, then throws away the broken pieces of glass of the photo frame, careful to not prick his fingers and bleed all over the place. It has happened before and the reaction Taeyong gave him wasn't exactly what you'd call 'lovely'. He tries to wriggle the picture out of Taeyong's deathly grip, putting it in a new frame once he succeeds and hangs it back on the wall.

One last thing.

 

* * *

**< <Booming system>>**  
**< taeilor_moon, hansolol, younghoe, ty_track, osaka_prince, tenchittaphonleechaiyapornkul, the_dong, qian.kun, goldenboyjae, doublewin>**

 

 **goldenboyjae:** snacks are here. where yall at? ;-(

 **the_dong:** love ya. heading right back to your room. hope yuta chokes

 **osaka_prince:** what the fuck!

 **tenchittaphonleechaiyapornkul:** lol

 **osaka_prince:** for fuck sake ten change your username it's too long

 **tenchittaphonleechaiyapornkul:** it's not the only thing that's too long

 **younghoe:** oh

 **taeilor_moon:** Open the door!

 **hansolol:** dammit y r u so fast i wanna b 1st

 **taeilor_moon:** Shut up, Hansol. Kids these days and their unbearable chat etiquette's.

 **hansolol:** we're the same age.... ure just old fashioned lol

* * *

 

"Say that to my face, fucker, I'm right next to you!" Comes Taeil's thundering voice from behind the door.

Jaehyun holds back from making the most impressive eye-roll of the century, opens the door with a goofy smile— dimple and all, then heaves a sigh of relief once all of them are cramped inside yet again, huddled around the snacks like wild omnivores.

Not all heroes wear capes, and Goldenboy is one of them.

**Author's Note:**

> if you made it until here then congratulations: kill me if you want to. i want to kill me too. i wrote this in like an hour which is a record for me. i used to write 1k in like??? 10 years??? so that's that. curse me out, shout at me, sock me in the face, whatever. Just Do It.
> 
> the most important thing is that this is part of a series that i'm working on. i'm currently writing like 3 nct fics (2 which is a part of this series). unfortunately i accidentally deleted the first official part of this series, since this fic takes place long after they've all met and became friends. so basically i'm all bummed out from accidentally deleting it, since i liked the way it was turning out. it will never be the same if i rewrite it, but i'll have to do it anyway. pray for jasmine.


End file.
